Feeling Ill and alot on the mind.

I guess I have to say I'm not doing well mentally and physically. I'm more worried about getting a job than my college work and after I get applications done, I just want to have fun. I always fear of becoming like my father, sleeps all day and cares more about God than his family. I have alot on my mind and i'm not really doing anything about it. It's pretty sad really, all this hard work that is given to me and I'm not doing any of it and its my fault. It's pure lazyness. I always wonder what will happen to me if I don't get a job before the end of May? I honestly want to get an assocaite degree in arts but I really need to work hard, but i'm not doing it. It really sucks that I have nothing to do but i'm not doing any of my college work. I honestly need some motivation.

Kole

Job intervie

Well I guess I got a job interview tomorrow. I can't wait and I hope I get it. Just need to stay calm and think on what to do when I walk in there. Just be myself, look simple and clean, and introduce myself to a job that I have no idea what i'm getting into. I hope its a fun job or a job that can be really interesting. I think that's all I can actually write about right now. I got a few things I need to get going on.

Kole

Working Hard to Find Work

I guess to say it's very hard to find work and very hard to wait patiently for them to contact you. It gives you time to reflect but not only that, gives you time to figure out what to do with your life and who you truely are. I guess i'm a person who perfers to be lazy but I can't be lazy if I want to get into the art degree. Its hard to understand yourself if you don't put any work within yourself to do somethin great with your life. I mean, I have till the end of may to find a job and won't have to move in with my parents. I honestly want to do this on my own but I'm running out of time.

Its really hard to get yourself into hard working mode. I already sent out 7 or eight applications incudling 5 resumes. I'm bound to get something right? I honestly hope I get a job soon.

Kole

Big Mistakes

I have made alot of mistakes in my life but this one is the biggest. I got fired because of $12.34 and I had the power to override it and all. I pretty much screwed myself badly now and trying very hard to find a job. I dunno if anyone can hear me out there but I honestly need help to find a job, I don't want to go back to my families home.

Stupid is, is Stupid does

I believe that all of us have done stupid things in our lives. Like getting caught by our boss using cell phones, or stealing less than 15 dollars while on the clock. Don't ask about the last part. I guess alot of things happened over the weekend that I have learned. I got my creativity back and finally learn how to become a hard working student. Life is full of surprises you can say, they are expected or unexpected but mostly if you do something stupid, it'll come back kicking you in the butt. I had one of these stupid moments this weekend and it's tough to be honest but I got to have faith and learn my mistakes. I've learn to grow up I think, I hope as well because I have made many many mistakes in my life. I do not want to have this mistakes happen again.

Think before you act. That is my Advice.

Weekends are Busy

I'm not so happy it's Friday. If you ask me, every single day is busy busy busy busy and of course BUSY! I was suppose to give out a speech today but thank goodness we waited until monday. I would have failed my speech assignment and it would have been all over. So this weekend I have to disect my speech out more and see what I can do to make it better. I'm failing my speech class and I can't allow to fail. I have to get 150/150 or else its going back again.

Alot has opened to me today now. I understand that you can't skip classes and think that you can pass everything with a snap of your fingers. You have to work really hard. I'm a guy who play video games and actually wants to paint and draw (Yes I change my mind alot on careers so I might change a different career again.) I would really love to paint because my mom paints really damn good and well, I would like to paint. But something in my gut tells me to do that, I have to sacrifice the one thing I have been kept busy the most. My Xbox Career. To be honest I think that's what must come. I can't stop I will just play more and more video games and I can't stop, it's like a drug addiction and if this drug addiction won't stop, then I have to send it away. Yes I will cry and bawl like a baby but it's an understanding sacrifice. It's something i'm still thinking about but I really want to bring my passion out. It's hiding within the video game world. I got so many ideas from games.

I really do want to make a difference in my life, Able to paint, draw, and write my world out; And won't be able to hide it. I honestly want to do something with my life that is worth happyness. What can I do?

Candy can make you side track as well

Smarties, well, I really like the candy that isn’t chocolate. Chocolate is my deepest darkest pleasure for me. It’s an addiction and I’m proud to be an addict to chocolate, I’m a chocoholic. The only non chocolate I like is Smarties to be honest. Its really good and sweet and it gets that oh so sweetness in your teeth and tounge. Also what’s really cool is that they have a lot in the wrapper, so that’s a big plus. But my mind is slowly getting off track and now back into my dream worl. I get side tracked soo easily.Okey back to the candy. There isn’t really much to say about Smarties, just that it’s good as chocolate to me.

What am I passionate about?

I am passionate about my dreams I create in my head. I always imagine myself going on adventures instead of going school (who hasn’t) and escape from the real world. I enjoy going into a ficticious world that I created because anything can happen. What I really want though is to put all of it on paper instead of the world I’ve created, stays in my head. I honestly love to write and explore, it just I get too lazy all the time. I think its because of all the video games I play and just want to stay in the virtual video game world. It’s a double edge sword really. You are in a different world but at the same time it keeps you away from all your studies and hard works and makes you stay up all night. I am one of these unfortunate souls that do this. I have like three console systems but I honestly need two (or one actually). I honestly want to go forth of getting my dream world to come out of my head and onto paper or a computer moniter. Actually I think paper would be safe wouldn’t you think that too? Or if you have a macintosh computer, that’s a different story. I mean sure windows is a awsome software and all (I’m talking about Windows XP of course!) but you get viruses like there is no tomorrow if you’re computer isn’t protected. Gotta protect your computer from those viruses you know. But the computer doesn’t only help you bring out your world, so does your music. I have like random music in my ipod for the world I create and have fun in. Going on adventures while listening to Running Free song from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron or curving bullets while listening to a remix of The Little Things from the movie Wanted. That can get your noggin turning up real good! I have been creating my world for like eight years now I realize. That’s a long time and how did I pass all my classes all those years? Now that’s a good question.

Next Year

Well, next year I have made a few goals for myself now. I think I finally know what I want to do, hopefully :P.

1. Study Hard in College
2. Get into Drawing or Painting
3. Work and Study Hard.

I'm starting now since I heard that we're suppose to write in our journals everyday. So I'm going to start that now. I hope that everyone had a good Easter. I sort of did even though I was working mostly :P. Well I should probably get to bed early too so chow for now.

Kole

Decisions Decisions and Food

Well I have decided that I shall stay in OTC. Since I am in college, I might as well finish it. And if I get bad grades, its my fault.

I've been thinking alot what I want to do in my future. Since I do like cooking, I think i'll give cooking classes a try next simester. I made my own lasagna with a help of a friend in South Carolina and it turned out pretty good. I just need to explore my options because I still want to write stories and publish them, I could do both.

I had alot of thinking these past few days and for that I missed some classes of mine. So now i'm back in classes again and finally made a choice, its time to get my butt in gear.

Kole

College and Work

What is the meaning of college?

I ask that question this morning when I woke up late and decided to come to only two of my classes today. It's really bothering me that I'm not doing well in college because I keep going to bed late and worried about my other jobs. I try so hard to be a better person, I am emotionally but not college life. I really like to have fun and just hang out with friends but if I want to make a better job than what I have at walmart, I have to be a tough college student. It's very hard for me to be honest, it really is. I can't study and when I have to take a math course, I won't be able to do well because I hate math and can never learn it.

There is alot of things I honestly want to do in life. I just don't think i'm ready for college, I should and I want be a better college student but to be honest, i'm not trying my best as I thought I would. It's really sucky and honestly I don't know what to do. I"m sort of scared because I want a great career in my future but if i'm not doing the best as I thought I am. Then i should probably not come next year.

Kole